It's Just Stuff...

If you knew my late husband, Tim, you knew he had a lot of ‘stuff’. He was a collector of many things, passionate about a few and dedicated to being a prepper. There is so much ‘stuff’ that I don’t even know what half of it is or does. Going through his things has been overwhelming because it’s almost as if I just want to keep everything he’s ever touched. It’s all I have left of him is his stuff. In reality, I don’t need nor have use for many of the things he has accumulated over the years.  

I’ve reached out to a few people to see if they’ve wanted certain items and that’s been helpful to know that some of his things are going to people who will appreciate them and who loved him. However, it still leaves me with so much stuff. I did buy a hope chest to put a number of keepsakes in that I just can’t seem to part with, things that just mean too much to get rid of.  

Recently, Tim came to me in a dream one night and told me, ‘baby, it’s just stuff... get rid of it’. He said to sell it, donate it or trash it, because they are just things, they aren’t HIM. He reiterated, it’s just STUFF. He told me he sees the bigger picture now and all those things aren’t worth holding on to. While it was comforting to not only see and hear him in my dream, it was still a hard reality. Letting go of his things feels like I’m letting pieces of him go and that’s not a great feeling. However, he’s right, it’s all just stuff.  

Then the real hard part, I walk in and look at the stuff and see so much and just walk out of the room. I don’t even know where to start, it’s so overwhelming and I just wish that I didn’t have to get rid of things that I feel have meaning but I know I have no use for them.  

I’m fortunate enough to have an amazing support system that has been able to help me go through his things. I realized it’s not something I can do on my own. If I do it on my own, nothing will go anywhere besides another pile somewhere and that defeats the purpose of creating more space in this house.  

I know that some people take years before getting rid of their loved ones things, while others do it immediately. I was very careful to take the advice of don’t make any big decisions in the first year of his passing. A year and a half into it, I now understand why they say that. You aren’t in your right frame of mind, you’re in a haze, grief brain is strong and you may let something go that you wish you hadn’t. People who respect your grief and healing journey will not ask for anything, they’ll wait until you’re ready. Another lesson that I’ve learned over time. As I mentioned above, I’m so grateful that the few people I’ve reached out to were so grateful to receive something of Tim’s.  

Now just what to do with everything else. It will all come in time. While I’m in no hurry, I do need some space freed up in this house so little by little, we chip away at all the STUFF.  

With each day that passes, I understand why people do the things they do when grieving. Whether you’ve been grieving for a day or 500 days, there are so many things to consider that we never imagined having to go through. It’s essential to have the right people by your side and in your tribe to help you navigate this slippery slope.  

A big thank you to those that have respected my boundaries and my healing journey and have allowed me to do things on my time. You’re the real MVP’s!  

I certainly cannot end this blog without a HUGE shoutout to my pops for helping me get through one of the hardest parts of Tim’s things and not passing any judgement and understanding how hard it was for me to do. I really wouldn’t be where I am with all this stuff if it wasn’t for his endless trips to my house and numerous hours of sorting, cleaning and organizing the things I couldn’t bring myself to do.  

Slowly, I will get to where I need to be with all this stuff. In the meantime, we just do a little at a time and when I feel I have the power to do so. It may be a long process but at least it’s a process that’s begun. I can’t keep everything he’s touched because I’d be buried in this house full of stuff LOL I heard him, I understand him and I’ll listen to him. It’s all just stuff... time to get it up and out.  

Last side note: Don’t ever let anyone tell you or impact your grief and healing journey; because they will try, trust me. However, this is YOUR journey and you do it at YOUR pace and on YOUR time and YOUR terms. Those that don’t like it can take a hike and those that respect you will understand it all comes in due time. Heal however you feel you need to heal... this is your journey and you don’t have to walk it alone.